To maintain a good, solid sexual relationship, it is important that you and your partner take the time to communicate openly about sex. In the midst of busy days, this can be a challenge! Challenging or not, it is important that you and your partner invest time and energy to enhance your sex talk.

Here are “6 Essential Steps to Effective Sex Talk” to help your sex communication be more beneficial:

1. Be Careful About How You Say What You Say: Let’s say that you you want something particular from your partner — perhaps you want a change in attitude or practice. To increase the probability of securing the agreement of your partner to your suggestion, frame it as a request for something new. Do your best to refrain from framing it as a fault.

Most of us do NOT like to be told how badly we do something. We respond defensively to such commentary. Defensiveness will work against you and your partner achieving harmony and agreement.

2. Maximize the Positive: Compliment your Partner freely. Doing so sets a positive atmosphere for further discussion.

3. Minimize the Negative: Whenever possible, avoid criticism and casting blame. Most of us do NOT respond positively to criticism. We respond much more favorably to compliments and acknowledgment!

To state a suggestion in a way that makes it easier for your partner to respond agreeably, avoid criticizing and use “I” statements. For example, rather than saying, “You don’t know how to please me,” you might try, “It would be more pleasurable for me if you did that this way”.

4. Allow for Differences: Neither of you always has to be right! Each of you has your own style and expectation … and these might not be identical. Keep your partner’s point of view in mind when addressing your sexual concerns.

5. Negotiate: This step is important to unlock sexual stalemate. By allowing for differences, you are on the path to compromise. Openly, show your willingness to consider alternatives to your requests or to negotiate a solution that will satisfy both of you.

6. Use Engaging Body Language: While you are talking, be careful of what your body language is communicating. Your body language can convey a huge amount of emotion.

Focus on allowing your body to express calm and relaxation. Maintain good eye contact. Periodically, touch your partner in a loving way to remind him/her of your commitment to work things out.

I encourage you to use these techniques over and over to enhance your sexual communication and enliven your sex talk.