To maintain a good, solid sexual relationship, it is important that you and your partner take the time to communicate openly about sex. In the midst of busy days, this can be a challenge! Challenging or not, it is important that you and your partner invest time and energy to enhance your sex talk.

Here are “6 Essential Steps to Effective Sex Talk” to help your sex communication be more beneficial:

1. Be Careful About How You Say What You Say: Let’s say that you you want something particular from your partner — perhaps you want a change in attitude or practice. To increase the probability of securing the agreement of your partner to your suggestion, frame it as a request for something new. Do your best to refrain from framing it as a fault.

Most of us do NOT like to be told how badly we do something. We respond defensively to such commentary. Defensiveness will work against you and your partner achieving harmony and agreement.

2. Maximize the Positive: Compliment your Partner freely. Doing so sets a positive atmosphere for further discussion.

3. Minimize the Negative: Whenever possible, avoid criticism and casting blame. Most of us do NOT respond positively to criticism. We respond much more favorably to compliments and acknowledgment!

To state a suggestion in a way that makes it easier for your partner to respond agreeably, avoid criticizing and use “I” statements. For example, rather than saying, “You don’t know how to please me,” you might try, “It would be more pleasurable for me if you did that this way”.

4. Allow for Differences: Neither of you always has to be right! Each of you has your own style and expectation … and these might not be identical. Keep your partner’s point of view in mind when addressing your sexual concerns.

5. Negotiate: This step is important to unlock sexual stalemate. By allowing for differences, you are on the path to compromise. Openly, show your willingness to consider alternatives to your requests or to negotiate a solution that will satisfy both of you.

6. Use Engaging Body Language: While you are talking, be careful of what your body language is communicating. Your body language can convey a huge amount of emotion.

Focus on allowing your body to express calm and relaxation. Maintain good eye contact. Periodically, touch your partner in a loving way to remind him/her of your commitment to work things out.

I encourage you to use these techniques over and over to enhance your sexual communication and enliven your sex talk.

Have you ever wished for more intimacy with your partner? If so, you are already part-way there! The very act of having an idea is a powerful stimulus to start creating action in the direction of that idea. So, the very act of having a desire for a more intimate relationship can start activating behaviors in that direction.

What actions? … you might be wondering. This is an important question!

Each of the following 6 Tips to Create More Intimacy are based on A-C-T-I-O-N. To reach a specific result, it is important to act in ways that create that result! These 6 Tips are —

Tip #1. Talk together about your relationship: To increase intimacy, communication about what is important to each of you is essential. Such communication allows each of you to better understand the important priorities that each of you have. Communicating in this way begins the process to bring the two of you closer, physically and emotionally.

Tip #2. Make a list of actions that promote the closeness you desire: As you discuss what is important to you, begin to write down what you can do — and what your partner can do — to work together to increase closeness. For this step, focus on specific behavioral tasks that can be enjoyed together.

Tip #3. Have your partner make a list of actions that promote the closeness s/he desires: As your partner discusses what is important to her/him, have s/he write down what each of you can do to work together to increase closeness. For this step, focus on specific behavioral tasks that can be enjoyed together.

Tip #4. Plan time to spend together: ‘Remember when you were dating? During that time, both you and your partner made a habit to coordinate your schedules. Why? So that the date would actually happen — so that you and your partner would end up at the same place at the same time! This is still an important step for you and your partner to plan … so it is guaranteed to happen.

Tip #5. Agreement to do at least one thing on each of your lists: That’s right — you are going to start simply … with just one, each!

Tip #6. Implement your mutual plan: When that prior-agreed-upon date and time arrive, you follow through and enjoy time together. During this time, each of you do at least one thing on your partner’s list.

I invite you to use these tips over and over to create even-deeper intimacy with your partner. Your relationship is very precious! Caring for it — maintaining it with consideration, time, energy and love — is essential for it to thrive!

Good Sexual Communication is vital to a Good Relationship. Sex Talk can be fun … it can be a source of intimacy in your relationship. Sex Talk can be difficult … especially if you and your partner have not been using this Communication Tool on a regular basis.

As with anything else, where Sexual Communication is concerned, “Practice makes perfect!” So, if you have been finding difficulty getting the words out, it is a sure sign that you and your partner need to do MUCH MORE of it!

For this section on Sexual Communication, the skill will be Better Listening. Here are your “3 Essential Tips to More Effective Listening”:

1. Be a Good Listener: This could be the hardest step of all! It requires that you hold your tongue — and your rebuttal — for later. This is IMPORTANT: As a good listener, it is crucial that you do NOT spend your listening-time framing your defense to statement(s) your partner is making.

Rather, while your partner is speaking, stay focused on what your partner is saying — so that you can really hear — and understand — the message your partner is delivering. One exercise to get better with this is to have the listener-partner reiterate what s/he understood the other partner to have said or requested.

2. Ask Your Partner Questions: In your role as listener, ask for clarification. Doing so helps her/him better explain the statements — or requests — s/he are making. This, in turn, assists you, the listener, later to be better able to accommodate those requests.

3. Keep Your Demeanor Loving and Caring: This point is vital to the positive outcome of your Sex Talk. Whatever you request as the Speaker, the request is better received and more-easily completed. Whatever clarification you seek as the Listener, your input is more seriously listened to and regarded.

Yes, it may be true that you and your partner have been having difficulty. Perhaps, you have been mis-communicating. Quite likely, both of you are frustrated. Remember to keep your priorities clear: This is the person you love! Be mindful to keep your words loving.

I encourage you to use these listening-tips over and over to create a more relaxed atmosphere of sex talk with your partner. This, in turn, can dramatically increase your mutual pleasure and satisfaction in all sexual communication.

Let’s look at why focusing your mind in positive directions is important to the Success of your Relationship and helps to Build Intimacy between you and your partner.  Basically, we are talking about the concept of “self-fulfilling prophecy”.  Let’s look at what this means … and why it matters so much to the success of what you create in your life and in your relationship.

POSITIVE MESSAGES TO THE SUBCONSCIOUS:

If you have told yourself (and your subconscious mind, which is just sitting there, listening in) something POSITIVE, you are directing it to create in that fashion. Thus programmed, your subconscious mind can create a VERY GOOD, self-confident, self-esteeming event.  Perhaps, you have been thinking about building the closeness of the relationship between you and your partner.  Given this to work with, your subconscious mind — by its very nature and function — proceeds to create this positive outcome between you and your partner.  It works to strengthen your relationship! This event can, in turn, begin to help you build your relationship bonding and intimacy.

NEGATIVE MESSAGES TO THE SUBCONSCIOUS:

On the other hand, if you have told yourself some NEGATIVE thought — something you don’t even WANT to experience … guess what? You are correct: Your subconscious mind, thus programmed, proceeds to activate the negative thought, too.

And WHY is this? It occurs specifically because your subconscious mind does what it was told! It doesn’t care about the outcome — it’s just following your commands, which you delivered via your thoughts. This is its nature — it’s the way it functions!

What a “pickle”, isn’t it? It sure is … because, in this latter example, not only are you focusing on what you DON’T want, it FEELS BAD. And YOU feel bad as a result!

So, what else could you do?

OTHER OPTIONS:

You could become VERY vigilant to your thoughts. You could start to pay very close and particular attention to what you are thinking — with the knowledge that, left unchanged, your subconscious mind will be creating those thoughts!

WHY IT MATTERS:

There is a specific reason that I want you to understand the creative POWER of your subconscious mind. That reason is to assist you to better understand why you absolutely DO NOT want to spend valuable time and mental energy in negative thinking … and why you DO want to spend valuable time and mental energy in positive thinking!  There is no limit to the positive outcomes you can create when you give positive thoughts to your subconscious mind!  It can help the health of your relationship to grow and deepen … in incredible, enjoyable ways!

I invite you to use these principles over and over to deepen your relationship bonds and enhance the intimacy between you and your partner!