Good Sexual Communication is vital to a Good Relationship. Sex Talk can be fun … it can be a source of intimacy in your relationship. Sex Talk can be difficult … especially if you and your partner have not been using this Communication Tool on a regular basis.

As with anything else, where Sexual Communication is concerned, “Practice makes perfect!” So, if you have been finding difficulty getting the words out, it is a sure sign that you and your partner need to do MUCH MORE of it!

For this section on Sexual Communication, the skill will be Better Listening. Here are your “3 Essential Tips to More Effective Listening”:

1. Be a Good Listener: This could be the hardest step of all! It requires that you hold your tongue — and your rebuttal — for later. This is IMPORTANT: As a good listener, it is crucial that you do NOT spend your listening-time framing your defense to statement(s) your partner is making.

Rather, while your partner is speaking, stay focused on what your partner is saying — so that you can really hear — and understand — the message your partner is delivering. One exercise to get better with this is to have the listener-partner reiterate what s/he understood the other partner to have said or requested.

2. Ask Your Partner Questions: In your role as listener, ask for clarification. Doing so helps her/him better explain the statements — or requests — s/he are making. This, in turn, assists you, the listener, later to be better able to accommodate those requests.

3. Keep Your Demeanor Loving and Caring: This point is vital to the positive outcome of your Sex Talk. Whatever you request as the Speaker, the request is better received and more-easily completed. Whatever clarification you seek as the Listener, your input is more seriously listened to and regarded.

Yes, it may be true that you and your partner have been having difficulty. Perhaps, you have been mis-communicating. Quite likely, both of you are frustrated. Remember to keep your priorities clear: This is the person you love! Be mindful to keep your words loving.

I encourage you to use these listening-tips over and over to create a more relaxed atmosphere of sex talk with your partner. This, in turn, can dramatically increase your mutual pleasure and satisfaction in all sexual communication.

Let’s look at why focusing your mind in positive directions is important to the Success of your Relationship and helps to Build Intimacy between you and your partner.  Basically, we are talking about the concept of “self-fulfilling prophecy”.  Let’s look at what this means … and why it matters so much to the success of what you create in your life and in your relationship.

POSITIVE MESSAGES TO THE SUBCONSCIOUS:

If you have told yourself (and your subconscious mind, which is just sitting there, listening in) something POSITIVE, you are directing it to create in that fashion. Thus programmed, your subconscious mind can create a VERY GOOD, self-confident, self-esteeming event.  Perhaps, you have been thinking about building the closeness of the relationship between you and your partner.  Given this to work with, your subconscious mind — by its very nature and function — proceeds to create this positive outcome between you and your partner.  It works to strengthen your relationship! This event can, in turn, begin to help you build your relationship bonding and intimacy.

NEGATIVE MESSAGES TO THE SUBCONSCIOUS:

On the other hand, if you have told yourself some NEGATIVE thought — something you don’t even WANT to experience … guess what? You are correct: Your subconscious mind, thus programmed, proceeds to activate the negative thought, too.

And WHY is this? It occurs specifically because your subconscious mind does what it was told! It doesn’t care about the outcome — it’s just following your commands, which you delivered via your thoughts. This is its nature — it’s the way it functions!

What a “pickle”, isn’t it? It sure is … because, in this latter example, not only are you focusing on what you DON’T want, it FEELS BAD. And YOU feel bad as a result!

So, what else could you do?

OTHER OPTIONS:

You could become VERY vigilant to your thoughts. You could start to pay very close and particular attention to what you are thinking — with the knowledge that, left unchanged, your subconscious mind will be creating those thoughts!

WHY IT MATTERS:

There is a specific reason that I want you to understand the creative POWER of your subconscious mind. That reason is to assist you to better understand why you absolutely DO NOT want to spend valuable time and mental energy in negative thinking … and why you DO want to spend valuable time and mental energy in positive thinking!  There is no limit to the positive outcomes you can create when you give positive thoughts to your subconscious mind!  It can help the health of your relationship to grow and deepen … in incredible, enjoyable ways!

I invite you to use these principles over and over to deepen your relationship bonds and enhance the intimacy between you and your partner!