What can you do when you and your partner disagree? What can your partner do to bridge such discord? What works to get your relationship back on track?

IS AGREEMENT ESSENTIAL?:
For the two of you to create and maintain a solid relationship, the truth is that it is NOT essential for you both to agree … all the time … on everything. Those areas of disagreement can be harnessed to utilize the BEST of each of your skills — perhaps, your chef-skills are exquisite; perhaps, your partner is quite proficient at clean up. Together, you have the perfect formula for mealtime harmony!

STRATEGIES FOR ACCORD:
When you and your partner disagree, it is important to have strategies in place to allow you — together — to handle the discord in such a way that your relationship can grow stronger as a result! Yes, that’s right. You and your partner can disagree … and the relationship can grow stronger as a result of HOW the two of you accomplish that disagreement.

How can that be? you might be asking.

KEY TO HARMONY:
The answer is Acceptance. Acceptance is key to creating harmony for — and between — the two of you. Acceptance means releasing the idea that there is a “right way” and a “wrong way”. Acceptance refers to looking at differences from the viewpoint that there can be TWO right ways!

TWO RIGHT WAYS:
Seeing that there can be two right ways means that the two of you now have more to work with. You each have two options — your original solution and your partner’s original solution. When it comes to problem-solving, the more options that are available, often, the quicker and more effective are the solutions that ensue.

THE WISDOM OF ACCEPTANCE:
Acceptance allows you and your partner to act on wisdom. It is the wisdom mentioned in this paraphrase of the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the Serenity to Accept what I cannot change … the Courage to change what I can … and the Wisdom to know the difference”.

I urge you and your partner to use acceptance frequently to empower and strengthen your relationship.

Frequently, I’ve had people say to me, “Breathing — what’s the big deal? If I’m alive, I’m breathing — right?” S/he were using this as a proof that there was NOTHING WRONG with his/her breathing. In other words, s/he were indicating her/his belief that the only thing that could go wrong with breathing is to stop it all together.

This could not be further from the truth. The truth is that effective breathing is essential to health and well-being.

There are no substitutes. There are no alternatives.

Oxygen is more crucial to our life than is food or fluids. On most days, we can safely go hours without fluids (Note: I don’t advise doing this). If there is a good reason, we can go days without food (Note 2: I don’t advise doing this, either).

We cannot go 5 minutes without breathing.

That is how vital oxygen — and breathing — is to our existence. You cannot do without it! However, sometimes, people try to do so!

It is quite common for people, under extreme stress, to hold their breaths. It is routine for people who are tired to breathe shallowly. Neither of these lead to ample oxygen to adequately serve the needs of the body.

When your body is deprived of adequate oxygen, it subtly tenses up. It does this specifically because it is getting dangerously low on such a crucial necessity!

Such tensing of your body increases stress on your system. This is exactly the OPPOSITE of what is needed for stress reduction.   When you want to enjoy intimacy with your partner, relaxation — the lack of tension — is the most delightful of prerequisites!

So, the solution is simple: You can begin to purposely breathe d-e-e-p-l-y and s-l-o-o-o-w-l-y. Taking ten slow, deep breaths begins to reverse the stress that was imposed by shallow, rapid breathing. Taking fifteen slow, deep breaths begins to speed you on your way to successful stress reduction.

And the beauty of this is that you have EVERYTHING you need, with you this very minute. Right now — this very minute — try it out!

Go ahead — notice how you are feeling this very moment. Then, begin to take 15 slow, deep breaths. Just inhale deeply to the count of 4 — 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 — and, then, change the cycle. Now exhale deeply to the count of 4 — 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 — and, change the cycle back. Proceed in that way for 15 slow, deep breaths.

Now, notice how you feel as a result. What do you notice?  When you breathe and relax with your partner, do you notice that your sense of closeness — of bonding — increases?

That’s right: Your stress has begun to diminish; your relaxation has begun to increase. And best of all: This allows you and your partner to begin feeling even closer, even more in the mood for enjoyment!