Developing Increased Intimacy:

Intimacy is a state of closeness whose success depends on Constructive communication.  Constructive communication, in turn, provides the pathway to satisfying sexual interaction.  Constructive communication refers to the process of communicating in such a way that each person who is involved feels BETTER about oneself and the other because of what transpired during the interaction.  It is not a matter of one-ups-man-ship.  Rather, constructive communication is always win-win.  Any other outcome can only be lose-lose.

Constructive communication enhances respect, emotional support, satisfaction, compatibility, physical well-being:  In a word, constructive communication enhances Intimacy.

The basic skills in Constructive Communication include those of both listening and speaking.  Numbered among the listening skills are –

• attentive listening to the words that are spoken;
• non-verbal listening — “hearing” body and
  facial messages that are given;
• kinesthetic listening — paying attention to
  undertones and emotional allusions; and
• the attitude of respect and understanding.

The speaking skills include –

• an open, self-revealing approach;
• an assertive, straight-forward presentation;
• honest, clear expressions of one’s feelings; and
• the self-awareness to ask for what one wants as
  a resolution to the situation at hand.

With these skills in both party’s possession, each is prepared to negotiate differences — a requisite to establishing true, enduring closeness.  Also requisite is the willingness to let go:  To allow someone else to become intensely close … close enough to inflict great damage … yet with mutually-designed safety that is more-than-enough that each partner knows that the damage will not occur.

The attitude for this level of Intimacy — as well as for negotiating differences is:  How can I help you?  I love you.  The person whom I love is hurting, upset or in pain.  What can I do to help?

The challenge for each partner is to keep himself/herself out of the way, so that his/her partner can be free to express honest feelings in the kindest way possible.  It is a fine-tuned balance, one that takes repeated attempts to accomplish.

The Areas of Sexual Dysfunction:

Disorders which fall in the realm of Sexual Dysfunction include the following:

For Men –

a)  inhibited arousal/erectile dysfunction — commonly
termed impotence;
b)  inhibited desire — lack of desire for sex;
c)  delayed or retarded ejaculation — extreme difficulty
in attaining ejaculation once sexually aroused;
d)  early ejaculation — extremely quick ejaculation
dissatisfying to both partners;
e)  painful intercourse — pain during intercourse.

For Women –

a)  inhibited sexual desire — lack of desire for sex;
b)  anorgasmia — lack of experiencing orgasm;
c)  vaginismus — a condition of severe limitation of
the vagina, causing pain during attempts at
intercourse;
d)  dyspareunia — pain during intercourse.

For Both Partners –

a)  lack of frequency compatibility — the frequency
with which partners desire sex is very different;
and
b)  discomfort in communicating physical and
emotional needs.

Rather than going into detailed explanations of each of these areas of Sexual Dysfunction, I want to make one point outstandingly clear:  These areas of Sexual Dysfunction ARE TREATABLE.  If you — and your partner — are suffering from one or more of these areas, understand me well.

YOU CAN GET HELP!

Since I have a personal preference in this area, I’ll just go ahead and say it:  Because these areas are treatable, DO NOT WAIT any longer.  Certainly, you do not have to seek help from me.  Seek assistance from the qualified person whom you and your partner can best trust.  AND DO SEEK ASSISTANCE … as soon as you possibly can!!  Your mutual intimacy, pleasure and satisfaction with your partner are worth it!